Valid Basis to Refuse a Proposal for My Daughter
Originally posted on mathabah.org
Answered by Imam Mazhar Mahmood
My daughter was involved in a premarital relationship with a close family friend’s son. I really admire the boy’s services to Islām and his passion for it, but I did not like the manner in which he approached my daughter for marriage, hence I wish to get her married elsewhere. It must be noted that my daughter is interested in him but I have reservations about him. Please provide some guidance regarding the matter.
To begin with, I pray to Allāh Almighty to ease the matter for you, your family and anyone involved. Āmīn!
In cases like these, it would deem beneficial to refer back to the guidance of Allāh’s Messenger (peace and blessings upon him).
On the authority of ‘Abdullāh ibn ‘Abbās (may Allāh be pleased with him), Allāh’s Messenger (peace and blessings upon him) said, “There is nothing found to be more befitting for two lovers, the likes of nikāh (marriage).” (Ibn Mājah: 1509)
Part of what is understood from the aforementioned ḥadīth is, if a couple are in love, and regrettably are involved in a premarital relationship, they should be wedded to one another. Being displeased with the manner of approach may not be the best reason to prevent your daughter from marrying who she wishes to wed, especially when you are apparently satisfied with his service and connection with the dīn.
Adhering to the words of Allāh’s Messenger (peace and blessings upon him) will definitely make the lives of many individuals much easier and at peace.
In a ḥadīth narrated by Abū Hurayrah (may Allāh be pleased with him), Allāh’s Messenger (peace and blessings upon him) said, “If someone approaches you with one whose religion and character you are satisfied with, then get him married (to your daughter). Otherwise, immorality and corruption will prevail upon the earth. He repeated the same sentiments thrice (to emphasize the importance of this point).” (Sunan al-Tirmidī: 1085)
If a parent or guardian is content with the character and religious practices of another (when looking for a suitable marriage partner for their child), then matters which could be easily forgiven by Allāh, should not be made barriers to prevent something so pure and bountiful such as nikāh of two youngsters.
Allāh Almighty Knows Best